How to Romance a Co-worker
Description
Author Stephanie Losee of Office Mate lets you in on some dos and don'ts when romancing a co-worker.
Transcript
Male: The book Officemate proclaims that to find true love, you need look no further
than your work place. Author Stephanie Loci who has been married to her
officemate for 16 years, let's us in on the do’s and don’ts of romancing a co-
worker.
Stephanie: Its true, my co-author Helene and I believe that the greatest pool of potential
mates isn't online or in a bar or at the gym. It’s on the job. Office romance has
gotten a bad rap for years, but statistics prove that it’s an effective way to meet
your mate. Here are some facts.
In the 2008 study done by the Vault, close to 50% surveyed has dated in the
office. And 15% admitted to going on a date with a supervisor. At
careerbuilder.com showed that an impressive 1/3 of office romances evolved into
marriage.
With more than 40% American employees logging over 50 hours each week at
the office, where else are people going to find time to look for a date.
In the olden days, people live in the same village from birth until death. Everyone
knew each other. Even as late as the 1950’s, surveyors were finding that most
couples grew up within a mile of each other. We believe the office has become
the village of the 21st century. The locus of community. The new town square. It’s
where we spend all our time, make our friends, and yes, meet our mates.
Office relationships are sweetly old fashioned. And unlike online dating or speed
dating, these relationships can take months of years to ignite. This luxury of time
gives a couple a chance to get to know each other. Become friends and build a
solid foundation of mutual respect and common interest.
Okay, so now you’re sold or at least considering it. Here are few of the do’s and
don’ts of office mating that will set you off on the right foot.
Let's start with the do’s. Do make sure that you have more than the workplace in
common. If all you do is talk about work, that could be a red flag. Do find out
what you are like as a couple around other people outside of work. You need to
test your relationship in the real world. So on a double date, take your mate to a
social gathering or to meet your family. Do be clear about that you're doing and
where it’s all doing. You have two careers at stake here. It’s not a bad idea to talk
about how you’ll behave if your relationship doesn’t go the distance.
You may decide to be more open with your co-workers or your boss about your
relationship once you feel that it may be something substantial. But don’t get into
the details. Nobody wants to hear whether he wears boxers or briefs.
Okay, now to the dont’s, the number one mistake that people make is using email.
Don’t make dinner plans via email. Don’t flirt, banter, or joke about last night
over email. Emails are the property of your company. And they are not private.
Companies have the right to collect, review, and intercept any emails you send.
And they do. According to the American Management Association, more than
half of all companies retain and at least occasionally review employee emails.
And as much as we advocate finding your mate in your place of work, we don’t
actually want you to conduct your romance at work. When you're at work, work.
Don’t hang around each other’s cubicles. And the supply closet is absolutely off
limits.
Don’t leave and arrive together. Don’t argue in the halls. Don’t send each other
anonymous gifts. Keep your private life private.
Inter-office break ups maybe the main reason why co-workers choose not to get
involved in the first place. Productivity goes up at the beginning of an office
romance, 20% in fact. But it does take a dip at the end of a relationship as with
any other break up.
Here's what to avoid in the event of a falling out. Crying at the office. Involving
co-workers in the break up. Dating another office mate on the rebound. Getting
human resources involved, unless it’s a harassment issue. Or quitting in a huff.
And again, don’t use email or IM to break up. Have the courtesy to break up in
person. If you don’t treat your soon to be ex with grace, your ex may not behave
so gracefully towards you in the future. And nobody needs that. But if you treat
your ex with respect, you’ll both live to love another day. And I might add, get
promoted. Let's not forget that the real reason you're at the company is to do find
work. Meeting terrific people who share your interest is just another one of the
benefits.
Most of us take it on faith that companies object to office romance. But it turns
out that the great majority of firms have no comprehensive policy on inter-office
dating whatsoever. So the choice is very much yours to make. I hope you find
Officemate useful and wish you much success in finding your perfect officemate.
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