If Daria Were President

Daria Dolan talks about her top priorities if she were elected president.

My fellow Americans, welcome to Dolans.com. Now that the election is over, thank you. I wouldn’t have cared if Donald Duck had won by the time this was over, it took so long. We thought here at Dolans.com that one of us, since I’ve got the bigger mouth of the two when it comes to the politics would make a list of what we would do for our American brethren if we were president and I won this one so it’s my list of 10, starting with the 10th going down to the number one priority if I was president. Number 10, if I was president, there would be one national primary/cockiest day. It would be May 1st. There would be nothing before it. We would all vote on the same day and then some little state, nobody really knows anybody in and couldn’t tell us who the party’s pick was going to be because they won there first. Number 9, all candidates that qualified a B on the state ballot to run for President of the United States would have to be included in the presidential debates. Our list of candidates in Florida was this long. I only saw the two Republican and Democratic candidates, ever face off in a presidential debate. I would have liked to have known what those other guys and gals had to say. Number 8, each candidate will get one, 10 million dollar check from the Federal Government to use to get their message out, from May 1st until Election Day. They will not be allowed to take any money from any body under any circumstances and when that 10 million is gone, it’s gone. And no television ads, thank you very much. I don’t want to see any of your lies from either side on television. Number 7, the troops would come home. They’re in Germany. They’re in South Korea, they’re in Iraq. They’re everywhere and then in a lot of cases they’re in peace loving countries, bring them home. Security begins at home. I would place them on our borders and protect us where we need to be most protected which is here. And now Europe, the next time you get in trouble, you can do it yourself, take care of yourselves because after we come and bail you out of all these problems, you make fun of us anyway. Number 6, all House and Senate seats would be a one-six year term, and then I say to each one of you in Congress, go home and get a real job. One-six year term and you’re out of there. Number 5, all American citizens, get the exact same health care plan that Congress has. You want universal health care, that’s the quickest, the best way to get it to the American people. We all get to say in Congress, share and share alike. Number 4, I would outlaw home equity loans and home equity lines of credit. You would be allowed to buy a house and have one, first mortgage only. It would have not allow people to use homes like piggy banks, and then end up in foreclosure. Number 3, I would retest all teachers every two years. Nurses have to review and take an exam, stock brokers have to do it, real estate agents in many states have to do it and other professions also require a constant ongoing updating of the education. Teachers should have to do it as well and there should be no 10-year and I also believe in merit pay for good teachers. Number 2, as President, I would stop taxing savings. We punish savers by taking income taxes from what they save. I instead would put those taxes on borrowing. You want to borrow, okay, enjoy yourself but now it’s going to cost you extra that will not be deductible. And lastly, if I were President, the first thing, the most important thing I would do is take the internal revenues tax code and blow it up, throw it away and start over again. It should take every American citizen no more than one hour every year to calculate how much money they owe the government. That’s my list, and do me a favor folks, don’t vote for me, don’t nominate me.