Solving Parenting Problems

Lorraine Thomas answers some more questions about parenting, such as how to handle your time when you have small children.

Sam Norman: We have had lots of emails from viewers requesting help from our top parent coach Lorraine Thomas from over wearing parents who think they make best to tearaway toddlers Lorraine is with us today to try and sort out your problems and worries. Welcome Lorraine. We have lots of questions here and the first one is -- that she controls what happens in our home. How many times. I find myself doing things that I never do when I had children. I feel guilty about letting her sit in front of the TV for too long. I just need to have time to do things and is always a major tension, when I switched off. Sometimes it's just easier to let to watch television. Lorraine Thomas: I think toddlers that the power can strike parents. I think the television it's a sort of an interesting thing. It starts off thinking all that. Is it really helpful? Sometimes they take control of this and they run the live that it runs the whole family and when you have your meals and when you have your bath time. So I think you know every mom and that will know what that's about. I think in terms of the television, it's really important just to take as to step back and think I can sort out and I can't take control and won't do what I want to happen with the television rather than the television run your life, you know, you run your life. I think we all know that in the -- just sleepy I wake and switch it off. I cant deal with the screaming now. So in short time you think oh that's good Sam Norman: Exactly. Lorraine Thomas: In the long term we all know actually Sam Norman: Go and make your own bags madam. Lorraine Thomas: and they stated totally is kind of the -- we have for the teenagers. They get it now. Sam Norman: What you said was very interesting about taking a step back and saying I am in control, because kids have this way of just completely bulldozing you, don't they? Lorraine Thomas: Yeah absolutely. Sam Norman: And you do have to take a breath and think, now I am in control. I am the parent and if I don't like this we are not going to do it. Its very empowering sometimes. Lorraine Thomas: It is empowering and I think sometimes as a mom we achieve so much on a daily basis. We ourselves getting to very hard time and guilt something you know we do so brilliantly and I think sometimes the enormity of being a mom or dad, you know all the things that you ought to do can be so, and still overwhelming you don't tackle any of it. So whats they. Over the next seven days make TV your priority, you know take, break down the big picture of that whats haunting you and really take control of the television. I think there are few things that you can do and I think I have worked with lots of moms and dads who found the television can be a real challenge in their house, I think you know decide when you want your child to watch and what you want them to watch. So write in the schedule. You think okay these are the times I want to be doing something and I am happy for my child -- you know what I am telling. I know when I am watching I feel comfortable about it. Decide where you want to have the TV free zones. Lots of moms say to me, we put the television on just before bedtime or just before meal so they could watch while I am getting the meal ready. But that's when you have the biggest tensions, because if you want to turn the television off, so come and have their tea and they are in the middle of a great, something -- and the same at bedtime to do, because they have got this little tea they are enjoying and is suddenly bedtime. So think about the things to do. Just next seven days just look at those half hours and think what can I get them to do and keep those as the TV free zone. And I would definitely say and keep the bedrooms. Every evening parent can decide what to do. Keep the bedroom as a TV free zone. You know lots of moms say they are not being they have thought of telling people what to do. But lots of moms have said to me we bought a new television and I didn't like the idea of throwing the old one away. Seems such a waste. So we put it into Charles' bedroom. But actually you know you are creating that's a good -- I think too, you're your child's most powerful role model found. So actually you know have a look at how you use the television. Lots of moms say background and then not really watching it. You know so switch it off. Let your child say there's not just something that something has all the time. If you are feeling really right switch off it 24 hours and enjoy the peace and quiet. Television room becomes associated with the's how we have fun and that's where I enjoyed being. And go and have fun with them in the bedroom. Do the tricks or read a book so that bedtime is, the bedroom is a nice place to be and is just as inviting as the TV room. Sam Norman: No, TVs in the bedroom and take controls to your bed. Right, the next question is, my baby is beautiful and I love being a mom. But I feel tired and fat and frumpy. We know that. When I look in the mirror, all I can see a black bags under my eyes and I tire around my tummy and -- but hanging on to them just in case I put on a pound or two. Well there's not really a question in there. But I presume are you just express and what can you do when you get to that stage, you are just tired and you feel disgusting Lorraine Thomas: And I think absolutely you know everything got it. When you feel tiring out, your baby and your life goes into freefull you might be breast feeding as well and see if you are really tired and when you feel really tired you feel really vulnerable and if you are really negative about yourself. And you look in the mirror and that's all you see is frightening. And there are few things today one of the things the maternity days has to go. Do you know I think, as a mom your time is precious and you're looking after your little baby and there is very little time for you. I think as a mom it is really important you find time for you even if its half an hour. Sam Norman: Meal time Lorraine Thomas: evening and tightly schedule sometime without your partner or your friends or your family so that you get sometime where you will not doing the housework and not doing by choice but you are actually just recharging your batteries. Because otherwise you just will be exhausted -- Sam Norman: You should remind yourself your personally in right. Lorraine Thomas: When you look in the mirrors, today look in the mirror and see your body really it just tell an exciting journey that you are as a mom. Sam Norman: Being a mom is just wanted Lorraine Thomas: -- I think sometimes really just be negative about ourselves and two thirds of moms say they are confident to takes not when they have children and your physical appearance becomes kind of focus and kind of identity of the me and I think -- is maternity is have to go; Have a look at your wardrobe and only as up on you feel good in. I think sometimes she has more fairly I just done as well Sam Norman: But occasionally it is good to dress up. Lorraine Thomas: Yeah absolutely. If it is on a daily basis. On a daily basis when you are putting those I feel really -- Sam Norman: And dress up sometimes, remind yourself that you were once a woman. He was attracted and will be again. Lorraine Thomas: He will, he will. It changes your -- it's a great thing to be. Sam Norman: Now there's a question. I love my mom. Though we had different ideas about how to bring up my baby. When she criticizes me. We stickled on very well, but she insists she knows best. She puts my son harry in and he called on his front even though I tell her to put him on his back and she says she is ready -- when I want to take my time. What can I do? Lorraine Thomas: That's interesting. And its good because this feel obviously has a good relationship with her mom, which is a great start and I think you know sometimes when babies come along their grandparents really want to support their childrens and they can sometimes have different ideas about what's best for the baby and I think, do know what's really important in any of those situations with the mother or the mother in law its you don't take their comments personally. You both actually -- baby that you just have different ways of expressing that. Sam Norman: so don't take their comments personally. So let them make their comments, but just shut off a bit. Use your own initiative. Lorraine Thomas: Well I think you can go with your gut instinct. You are a mom. You should trust your gut instinct. Sam Norman: -- the baby on the front, do you? Lorraine Thomas: Everything is changed and I think in this situation for example if the particular baby becomes a stressful situation then schedule the times that you see your mom that doesn't go inside you know with the feeding times or with the sleeping times. And arrange to see her different times of the day so that it doesn't become the focus. I think too, you know just remember as well and say this to your mom; it's a good thing about being the grandmother. Sometimes you can focus on all becomes about the sleeping and about the feeding. But actually you may praise her for what you really appreciate about her advice and her support and say thank you. You know rather than think always going to be enough nothing Sam Norman: It's a power stroke is under because as soon as you become a mother, you become instent expert in a funny sort of way. Your mother and that generation, she there expenses too. So this is clash of what is best for baby. Lorraine Thomas: I think give your mom or mother in law put some positive feedback. And, if there is something that they suggest we should do was since --. So they know that you are not just kind of ignoring everything they say. Sam Norman: Yes, declined that will be strong. Lorraine Thomas: Because actually you don't want to be with them, you don't want kind of feel that they want them to come around. You want to tackle it. You want to tackle in a really positive way. Sam Norman: Oh! This is used in me. Something go to -- Going to the supermarket is a nightmare for me, classed screams for the entire time with it. Whats worse than the screaming is that all the other shoppers stare at me. They probably thinking she can't control her child and they ride -- the weekend, what is about babies and supermarkets? Lorraine Thomas: Supermarkets become; I think this is such a common one and I think for that mom I have to say, when other moms see that happening in a supermarket, they take your imagination run thinking they are all bad mother. Wear that bad mother T shirt. Sam Norman: really, really true. Lorraine Thomas: Actually most moms you are thinking of, I know that mom is going through it happens me last week and I wish there was something I could do to make it better for you. So daily your imagination run the way with you. We all know what is like. And actually the most stress you feel if you become the most stress to baby will become. Again we talked about taking back trouble back in the driving seat or the trolley and try to be as calm as you can because if you get tense you are anxious about even before you get to the supermarket. Its not going to be a good experience. I think you may look at the scheduling of your and if you're at supermarket shopping, because children would generally create if they are bored they are tired or they are hungry. So try and make sure you getting a time when none of those things happen and try and make -- child biggest and special toy something they only have when they are in the supermarket trolley. Something that makes stand out a good experience for them. Think about alternatives as well. With some moms you have to do things exactly this. But they won't always shop -- Magnus and mayhem. And sometimes so they start -- when can I do it. Different time. That partner or some to look after that baby 7.30 on a Saturday morning or sometimes in the evening and go on their own and has been a much more restful person if I enjoyed. Sam Norman: it's a pleasant experience. Lorraine Thomas: you can think about alternatives. You don't always have to do on Saturday afternoon because you always want to look at alternatives like online shopping. Today just to take some of the heat out. They are going to just go along and spend a shorter time in the supermarket and just pick and choose and enjoy a little bit more. Sam Norman: You are genius, Thank you very, very much. That was excellent. Lorraine Thomas: Thank you.